He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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