I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
