That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
