i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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