Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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