Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
