When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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