Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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