I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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