I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize