she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
