I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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