i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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