She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
