I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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