I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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