She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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