you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
