FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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