if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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