he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize