I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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