life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
