the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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