The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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