Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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