WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
