Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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