dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
