I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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