We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Houston, we have a squirter
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I love you. Go after that dick
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
