It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
