Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
