he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize