Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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