If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
