He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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