new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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