How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
