I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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