oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
