i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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