When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
