whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
