i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
