Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We left an ass print on the piano.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
