Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
