I like to think it a success when the cops are called
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
