there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
