His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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