Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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