By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
