Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
