I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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