You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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