Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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