rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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