I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
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