Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
