Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
