now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
