I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
