They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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